My Struggle
by Mister Takeda
Summary: The heartwarming struggle between a fanfiction author and his god, serving as the ultimate David and Goliath feel-good movie of the Millenium, coming to a theater near ysdafjsdjfaskjds
1. Chapter 1

So let me tell you how it all started. My life was going great. I had my girlfriend, Princess Sally, I had my job as a world famous fanfiction author, I even had a kingdom of my very own, and then it all went to shit. My name is Cameron, Cameron Wallis, and this is my story:

The first time God fucked me in the mind pussy it hurt, a lot. He said it wouldn't, but he lied. The second time, it wasn't so bad. I even kind of enjoyed it. But the first time was rough.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed as his alien corpus slid its scaly way into my mind orifice. The whole world blanked, white paper in front of my eyes, and then it was done. I'd lost my mind virginity, and woke up my girlfriend. She drove me to the ER, of course, because all the screaming seemed unsettling to her, but that's pretty normal for me, so maybe it was something else. Either way, I was in the backseat of her Honda Civic being driven to St. Antowine's before I knew what came in me.

I woke up on a gurney, with a strange foreign doctor telling me I'd been in a coma for six months. It sounded like bullshit to me, but I humored him and followed a variety of oddly simple tests, looking up and down, pressing a variety of buttons. Standard stuff. Then, just as I was getting done with the x-rays he says, "Uuuurrrgghhhbbrbllrr." At first I think he is talking in his native tongue, but then I realize a three foot tall anthropomorphic bat with massive bazingas is strangling him with a guitar string, and I think "Jesus."

Well, he falls to the ground, dead probably, and I think this sexy nocturnal honey is about to punch my clock ticket too when it happens, I look next to me and see a blue hedgehog, THE blue hedgehog, and he's looking right at me.

"Hey, sleepin' beauty! Think fast!" The bat veers down on me with a bloody piano wire, and I'm like, "Not today, dreamtits!" and I bound to my feet.

Her lunge shatters the bed, and she collapses in a pile of sheets and shrapnel. I don't need the shit they plugged into me anymore. I'm not game for it. I give Sonic a quick nod and he shoots me the thumbs up, winking slightly. I climb out the window before they can send more goons after me.

All I want to know is why God tried to kill me after fucking me, right in the mind pussy? Was it too good? Is he trying to keep it all for himself? I read a newspaper, "Crazed NEET slays local foreign doctor." Nothing about God being after my goods. I'll have to look for leads elsewhere.

I look at my arm band. Cam Wallis, it says, but it's written by a four year old. The 'a' in Cam is wrong, and looks like an 'o' bleeding into an 'r n', which is actually a 'm'. "Wow, those shitbags really need to learn how to write," I think to myself, not questioning why my medical bracelet is a sanitation ring from a Comfort Inn. "Oh well, time to check in on Sally and get the rest of the story."


	2. Chapter 2

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Sally asks, about ready to call her guards on me.

"Relax, babe. I just released myself from the hospital, and I'd like the full story!"

"I'm calling the cops!" she shrieks, but I ignore her. Probably menstruating.

"Babe, all I want to know is why God fucked me in the mind pussy. Maybe you could tell me while you suck my dick a little."

Sally runs, which isn't like her, locking herself in her grimey Royal bathroom, and forcing me to bang on the door.

"My cocks not getting any softer!" I yell in my suavest voice.

When the imperial guard gets there, I'm long gone. I don't know what her royal highnesses problem was, but I had bigger things to worry about than her cycles. My head hurt, and I mean bad. God did a real number on me last night, and I was willing to file a paternity suit if circumstances arose under which it was necessary. I flopped on the ground and transformed into a car, Turbo Teen style, leaving the scene clouded in my exhaust.


End file.
